This is dedicated to all who love AVPM...

I can do it...

This past weekend I attended the Utah Theater Association Conference. At this conference I went to workshops and plays and I auditioned for scholarships. Amongst the workshops and presentations that I attended their was one thing that I heard more than any other--if you think you can do something else (teach, be a techie, go into another career path entirely etc.) than you should do something else; if you are not completely dedicated than you should do something else; if you want to get into acting to get rich than you should do something else. On the surface these things seem discouraging, but they are only motivating. I asked myself each question I was presented with and the answers gave me new hope and determination.

Can I do something else (teach, be a techie etc.)? No. I can't. I can't do those things well and I wouldn't be able to do those things without becoming bored and overall miserable with my career.

Am I completely dedicated? Hell yes I am. As my family and friends will tell you I put everything into theater. I put more time into theater than I even put into my school work. I do everything I can possibly do to advance the drama department at school and to advance my own knowledge of acting.

Do I want to act in order to get rich? Absolutely not. I want to act simply for the joy of performing. I want to act because I love it more than anything. I want to act because it is who I am. I don't care if I never live off anything more than Ramen noodles in a 25 sq. ft. apartment. I want to act for the rest of my life.

After I had asked and answered these questions I realized that this is it. This is what I am going to do. I can do it. It will be hard and the road will not be smooth, but I won't let that get me down. I can do it. And nothing is going to stop me.

Fandoms...

For everyone who knows me they know that when I love something...I love it almost to the extent of insanity. My entire life is fueled by my passion for life. This passion is a great motivator for my dreams and it also makes me very protective of those I love. It also makes me a little high strung when people are ignorant. But that is not what I am focusing on today, even though I have plenty to talk about on the subject or ignorance...another time.

Today, my focus is on my passion and obsession for certain fandoms. If you don't know what a fandom is...well that is sad for you and here is the definition of a fandom...*ahem* A fandom is the community that surrounds a tv show/movie/book etc. Fanfiction writers, artists, poets, and cosplayers are all members of that fandom. Fandoms often consist of message boards, livejournal communities, and people. And now you know. So let us start with a list of my fandoms.

Harry Potter (this is a required fandom for my generation)

The Big Bang Theory (Sheldon. Need I say more?)

Doctor Who (Great storyline, great characters, and David Tennant is so sexy hot!)

30 Rock (I often find myself saying "I am Liz Lemon")

Vampire Diaries (It is my guilty pleasure)

Firefly (One season is not enough!!!)

Ouran High School Host Club (Again, one season is not enough!! Also Tamaki should marry me.)

How I Met Your Mother (If you have been keeping up with my blog, then you already know this)

Glee (I mean, it is practically my life)

Arrested Development (One of the best television shows in the history of American television)

Workaholics (One of the stupidest, funniest, most entertaining shows I have ever watched)

Grey's Anatomy (I have never missed a single episode)

There you go. That is the list of my obsessions. I know it is crazy and kind of weird, but it makes my life a little more enjoyable. I am love the stories and the people. I love seeing myself in the characters. I love laughing until my stomach hurts. I know that people may think that I am trying to escape reality or trying to live my life through these shows, but I'm not. My life is pretty damn good and I love to spend time and hang out with my family and friends. I love to go meet new people and experience new things. I love to sing and I love to read. I feel that it is a credit to me and my capacity to love and connect with other people, that I am able to feel empathy and sympathy for people who are not real and that I have never met. It is a trait that people often have a hard time with in their dealings with people that they know well. Yeah, I am a little obsessed, but it makes me happy and that is all that matters. And with that said I am going to go and spend some time with my fandoms.

Best way to wake up...

Today I woke up to the best thing. My aunt, uncle, and cousins from Hawaii arrived at my house. They are so amazing. I love all of them so much. They have all done so much for me in the last seven months. I love them all. I have some of the best memories with them. 

Thanks Mindee for always being there and teaching me so much and loving me.

Thanks Matty for taking care of me and watching out for me and loving me.

Thanks Abbey for being my best friend for my whole life and loving me.

Thanks Aidan for letting me tease you and loving me.

Thanks Ridge for being the sweetest, coolest boy and loving me.

Thanks Rees for saying the funniest things and giving me hugs and loving me.

I love you all so much and I am so happy I get to spend the next week and a half with you. :) LOVE YOU!!!!

To my amazing mother...

"Let's pretend we're riding on a kite. Let's imagine we're flying through the air!
We'll ascend until we're out of sight. Light as paper, we'll soar!
Let's be wild, up high above the sand, feel the wind, the world at our command.
Let's enjoy the view, and never land.
Floating far from the shore.
Some things are meant to be, the clouds moving fast and free.
The sun on a silver sea.
A sky that's bright and blue.
And some things will never end.
The thrill of our magic ride.
The love that I feel inside for you.
We'll climb high beyond the break of day.
Sleep on stardust, and dine on bits of moon
You and I will find the Milky Way. We'll be mad, and explore.
We'll recline a loft upon the breeze.
Dart about sail on wit with ease.
Pass the days doing only as we please, that's what living is for.
We'll be mad, and explore. We'll recline a loft upon the breeze.
Dart about sail on wit with ease.
Pass the days doing only as we please, that's what living is for.
Some things are meant to be, the tide turning endlessly,
the way it takes hold of me, no matter what I do,
and some things will never die, the promise of who you are,
the memories when I am far from you.
All my life, I've lived for loving you."--Little Women the Musical

If you are familiar with the story of Little Women (SPOILER ALERT) you know that towards the end the sister Beth dies. The above are the lyrics for the song that Jo and Beth sing right before Beth dies. While this song is sung between two sisters every time I hear it I think of me and my absolutely amazing mother. 

My mom is my whole world. She has lived her whole life for loving and taking care of me and I will never be able to repay her for all she has done for me. We have had the most amazing adventures, even if we are just sitting in our house. She is the best role model a girl could ever have. She has taught me everything. She has taught me to live my dreams and taught me to believe anything is possible.I am the person I am today because of her brilliant example. She is the most amazing person I know and I hope one day I can be half the woman she is.

Mama, I love you so much. Thank you for all you do for me.

A drawing I drew to draw something full of meaning...

I drew this tonight. It is very symbolic. If you can't tell that...you really need to read more books or something.

Discovery of something wonderful...

I have always loved Christopher Durang, the playwright. I have used several monologues from his plays for auditions, but I have never read (completely) or seen any of his shows. Today I stumbled upon the show "Beyond Therapy." It originally caught my eye because the original off-Broadway cast had Sigourney Weaver and the original Broadway cast had John Lithgow and David Hyde Pierce (one of my all-time favorite actors...he is magnificent). As I began to read about the play I became increasingly intrigued. So I found a preview of the play on Google books and began to read it. The only time I have laughed that hard was when I read "Noises Off." Unfortunately, Google books only let me read the first three scenes...and those were not even fully complete. Boooooo. 

Because I fell in love I decided to hold off on watching any Youtube videos of high school and college students attempting to perform it, because I knew it would ruin the magic. Good decision Keaton! 

I then found out that the play had been adapted (by Christopher Durang himself) to a movie. Obviously, this was the best news. I immediately went to Netflix to see if it was on instant streaming...it is not. Boooooo, again. At this point in my night I felt completely bogged down and utterly depressed and heartbroken. All I want is to read this play!! 

I have only two options left: my school library (haha that's a joke) and my drama teacher's library of plays (less of a joke, but still unlikely). I really want to read this play. I really want to read this play.

I don't know what the moral of the story is for this post...I guess...sometimes you discover something beautiful, but the universe only gives you access to some of it to teach you patience and to help you learn to treasure the surprises in life...

Screw that, I just want to read that play.

Something to brighten your day...

Another Youtube video for you. While this video and this song was created for the "It Gets Better" project to help prevent teen suicides among LGBT youth, I feel it is uplifting for everyone. It always lifts me up and brightens my day. :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeKI8biAglU

Take some time...

"When I hear the learn'd astronomer

When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me, 

When I was shown the charts and diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them,

When I sitting heard the astronomer where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,

How soon unaccountable I became tired and sick,

Till rising and gliding out i wander'd off by myself,

In the mystical moist night-air and from time to time,

Look'd up in perfect silence at the stars."--Walt Whitman

In this day and age everyone is looking for answers. We go to school and educate ourselves to find answers to the world's questions. We go to church and look to religion to find answers to questions about our own humanity. And, at least in my experience, we often get lost in a sea of so many possibilities that we can't actually find what we are looking for. I have found that when it seems to become overwhelming the best thing to do is stop. Stop looking for answers. Stop trying to know more, understand more, be more. Just be. I know, it sounds like some New Age philosophy, but it is true. If you let yourself sit. Let yourself breath. Let yourself think about nothing, but the beautiful world around you. Then, everything seems to come into place. 

I am not saying that education is not a wonderful thing. Or that religion doesn't have it's place. I am just saying that sometimes those things can distract us from who we truly are and where we are going in life. Take some time. Step away from the lectures and distractions and look at the stars.

I'm so excited!!

Today I got the best letter: my acceptance letter to the University of Utah, my number one pick! I am so excited. This is the first step to getting to New York. Now I just need to get into the Musical Theater program and I will be that much closer.

That was kind of a short lame blog post...oh well, I am still excited. :)

Now it is off to bed.

Television...sometimes it is a great thing.

As sad as it sounds I have to thank a few of my favorite T.V. shows for always keeping me motivated towards getting to New York.

There are those times where I get disappointed and discouraged about my New York dreams. Those times when I start to think too much about the overwhelming aspects of making a living and being on my own. In these times I start to rethink my life and start wondering if an easier more realistic path would be better for me, and then I turn on the T.V.

There are two shows that give me the most motivation, Friends and How I Met Your Mother. Every time I watch an episode and see people living in New York it just reminds me of how much I want it. I know, it sounds kind of pathetic, but the truth is it keeps me going and working towards New York. And I feel that if it works then it is a good form of motivation. If it inspires you and keeps you working on a goal, then it deserves some praise and recognition, even if it is not a typical form of motivation. So...

Thank you Friends. And thank you How I Met Your Mother. Thanks for keeping me inspired and thanks for being there to lift my spirits.

Umm...

I don't really have much to say right now...so here is one of my favorite Youtube videos...be warned...this lady is crazy... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_Ua8iOR0g8

What I learned...

Tonight as my friends and I were sitting around chatting and reminiscing about the past year, one of my friends asked me a question. He asked me what I had learned in 2011. In the moment I drew a blank and could only think of really trivial answers so I responded with, "Well, I took Chemistry...and I learned about that...so that was cool I guess..." Lame, I know. After my guests left I began to ponder, what did I learn this past year? What did I learn that is significant to making me who I am and taking me where I want to go in life?

Are you ready for the answer? Well it doesn't matter if you are ready or not, I am gonna tell you anyway. :)

In the year 2011 I learned that with a little bravery, someone (or multiple someones) who loves you unconditionally, and some good old fashioned confidence you can conquer any fear and reach any dream. 

2011 was a year of trial and turmoil, but it was also a year of amazing growth and happiness for me. I met amazing people, including one of my best friends (that's you Chase, my love). I accomplished amazing feats. Most of all, I faced and conquered my greatest fear. I did all of this because I took the leap and knew that whatever happened I had someone there waiting to catch me. I would not be who I am today without the things I went through in 2011. It shaped who I am more than any other year of my life, and it also pushed me on the path to achieving my greatest dream. Hopefully, in the near future, the things I have learned will culminate in the acquisition of that dream. Happy New Year everyone. And may the upcoming year teach you things you never knew, bring you joy you have never felt, give you trials that you will overcome so you can grow, and may you work towards your dreams no matter how wild and crazy they may seem.